I’m Grateful for my Kids
I remember being ushered into the doctor’s office. The grim expression of the nurse and wide sad eyes of the specialist gave me a hint as to what was coming next. I would never be a father. At the very least, the odds were supremely unlikely.
I knew it was a long shot. I’d heard it almost seven years before. When you hear messages like that, you steel yourself, like putting up a wall in your heart. I was never going to be a dad.
Don’t get me wrong. I wanted to be a dad. I was good with kids. And I was perfectly happy helping to raise a future significant other’s kids if it ever came to that.
Foster Parenting
Then I attended a fundraiser for Children’s Home & Aid in 2017. I listened to the speaker talk about how important, how necessary it was to have more foster parents.
I had never considered being a foster parent. But as I drove home, I prayed. Something clicked, and for the very first time since I got the bad news, I felt a glimmer of hope. I could be the dad who stands in the gap for kids.
I wasn’t very sure how to have that conversation with Amy. Learning it was supremely unlikely that we’d ever have kids together had only just set in. I didn’t know how to shift our focus from having kids to becoming foster parents.
When in doubt, I pray and think. Then I do it again. I did it all the way home from work. I did it through dinner and as we got ready for bed. As I was starting to open my mouth, she asked me, “What do you think about becoming foster parents?”
In less than a year, we welcomed Ellie into our home; and ten months later, Ted.
I’m not a young dad, having started in my thirties. There are pros and cons to starting late. I’m definitely a more patient man. As a college student and career man, I’ve learned how to finish the job when it’s done, even if it means losing some sleep, so I was prepared for random bouts of sleep deprivation that come with parenting an infant.
Not the Youngest Dad
It’s harder physically now than it would have been when I was younger, because let’s face it, youth is something we never get back. But life experience and patience have been wonderful allies.
I’ve also learned how to engage. As a child I mastered disengagement because it helped block out distractions and helped me focus. Tuning out is great for work and reading. It’s not the best thing for kids who have needs and want their dad to tune in.
Foster parenting is hard. I don’t think it’s harder than parenting, just different. The hardest part is the possibility of an expiration date. We serve our kids and their families. They need us to love them every day, knowing we may not get any more days to love them. We pray for their families to be restored. And we are there if things don’t work out, to be their Mom and Dad, to love and raise our kids, together.
I can’t imagine life without my hurricane daughter and my sweet smiling son. They made me a father. They changed me for the better. And I am changed for good.
